I’m a 4001 rapper
Sittin’ on a crapper
Takin a dump the old way
In an outhouse on a cold day
Thinkin’ about my robot bitches
And their computer glitches
One’s kind of dusty
Ones pussy is rusty
She clamped down and wouldn’t let go
I had to forget that ho
She ate his dick for a snack
But wouldn’t give the money back
I must be constipated
I push and push while others waited
17,000 share one stall
Overpopulation’s killing us all
Toilet paper’s a flat rock
After I wipe, I roll it up in a sock
It makes a good pillow
After a supper of armadillo
I’m 600-years-old, I should be retired
Spend most of my day lookin’ for a fire
Some place to warm my old bones
Until my bitches return home
My time is almost up
My prostate is a big as a teacup
I can’t urinate. I can’t defecate.
But 17,000 won’t wait
I think about the past
Nothing was made to last
The future wasn’t planned
Like a house built on sand
SANTA IS DEAD.
Let me introduce myself
I’m MC Elf
Took a gun off the shelf
Santa is dead
Put a bullet in his head
He was livin’ large
Now I’m in charge
Can you hear the applause?
For a dead Santa Claus
He had me sleepin’ with reindeer
Like a bull queer
This was my answer
For having to fuck Prancer
Sometimes Old Saint Nick
Wanted me to suck his dick
But that wasn’t the only reason
For my arctic treason
I did it for Mrs. Kringle
The bitch wanted to be single
I thought her wet hole
Would be jumpin on my North Pole
She told me she was rich
I wanted to marry the bitch
She’d be a CEO
And I’d be her man ho
A pint-sized gigolo
With a massive portfolio
But how quickly she made my joy end
When she introduced me to her boyfriend
How was I to know, man
She liked the abominable snowman
She called the Mounties
Now I’m wanted in 3 counties
I’m back in Cali
Livin’ in an alley
Wearin’ cornrows
And doin’ midget pornos
She’s holding Xmas hostage
And sucking Yeti’s sausage
People wonder how I could do it
Shoot him with a single bullet
But it had to happen sooner or later
When you work for a fat dictator
Chorus:
I’m getting ready for a beatdown
About to get my ass kicked
If you have a chance
Call an ambulance
My papa named me Bitch
I’m a low-class lover
Always looking for cover
Hidin under my mama’s skirt
Trying not to get hurt
Mommy doesn’t like me to fight
I get hit with a left and then a right
I turn the other cheek
While they beat on my physique
I sit alone at lunch
Far away from the Wild Bunch
Over by the faculty
Where no bully can get to me
Chorus:
I’m getting ready for a beatdown
About to get my ass kicked
If you have a chance
Call an ambulance
After the last bell
I ran like Hell
No day was an exemption
Like Shawshank without the redemption
It was the start of summer vacation
Three months of estivation
How did I get to be this way?
Everyone thinks I’m gay
My mother saw my expression
She said, “I have a confession.
There’s a reason for your first name.
A reason for your shame.
You were his kid
He wanted you to go through what he did.”
She handed me a brown paper bag
On a card my father had written, “My papa named me Fag.”.
Chorus:
I’m getting ready for a beatdown
About to get my ass kicked
If you have a chance
Call an ambulance
I’m the galaxy’s number one playa
Pimpin’ Princess Leia
She’s eighteen
And clean
Know what I mean?
A fantasy
In poetry
Know what I mean?
I first saw her butt
Chained up by Jabba the Hutt
She looked like a slut
Another cheap Rebel ho
A lot of trouble though
According to my friend, Lando
He saw something in her
Wanted to be her best customer
But Jabba wanted her for dinner
Lando was a smuggler and cardshark
He usually liked his meat dark
But Leia made his dick spark
It looked like he had a light saber in his pants
And that was our chance
He’d bitch slap Jabba during Leia’s dance
Jabba didn’t have much rhythm
And Lando knew where to hit him
His big, black dick nearly killed him
I unchained the Princess
Lando came at her with eighteen inches
He fucked her for thirty minutes
Now she’s my Star Whore
The bitch begs for more
We’ll spend the next Millenium Fucking Her.